Becoming a parent is often described as one of the most joyful and fulfilling experiences in life. However, for many, it is also a time of immense emotional and physical strain. Perinatal mental health issues—such as depression, anxiety, and trauma—can have an impact not only on parents but also on their children. While this can feel overwhelming, understanding these effects and seeking support can make a significant difference for both parent and child.

How Can Perinatal Mental Illness Affect Children?

Research suggests that severe perinatal mental health issues can increase the risk of children experiencing:

• Brain development challenges due to prolonged exposure to maternal stress hormones.
• Prematurity and low birth weight, which may be linked to stress and anxiety during pregnancy.
• Irritability and sleep problems in infancy, making it harder for both parent and baby to rest and bond.
• Behavioural and academic difficulties at school, particularly when early attachment is disrupted.
• Increased likelihood of having Special Educational Needs (SEN) due to developmental delays.
• Higher risk of experiencing mental health problems later in life.

It’s important to note that these risks are not guarantees—they are influenced by socioeconomic status, gender, and child temperament. Many children thrive despite parental struggles, especially when parents seek support and respond sensitively to their child’s needs.

The Role of Stress in Pregnancy

Stress during pregnancy is a normal experience, but high levels of chronic stress or anxiety can affect a baby’s developing stress-response system. When a pregnant person experiences ongoing distress, stress hormones such as cortisol can cross the placenta, potentially influencing the baby’s nervous system and increasing sensitivity to stress after birth.

Additionally, perinatal mental illness often coexists with other challenges—such as financial struggles, relationship difficulties, or past trauma. These factors can compound risks for both parent and baby. However, early intervention and support can buffer these effects and help parents create a nurturing environment.

The Importance of Bonding and Sensitivity

Bonding is often misunderstood. It’s not about feeling a rush of love instantly or always feeling happy in parenthood. Many parents—especially those experiencing depression or anxiety—worry that they aren’t bonding "correctly" with their baby. But in reality, bonding is built through small, everyday interactions.

• Sensitive responding means tuning into a baby’s emotions and needs.
• Responsiveness is about providing comfort, support, and reassurance when needed.

Parents who are struggling with their mental health can still provide warmth and care—even if they don’t always feel joyful. This responsiveness is what helps a child feel safe, secure, and loved.

Will My Depression Affect My Child?

It’s a question that weighs heavily on many parents. While perinatal depression can make bonding feel harder, research shows that getting support and treatment can help protect both parent and child.

One of the most powerful concepts in psychology is the idea that love gets passed down too—not just trauma. While we often talk about "ghosts in the nursery" (the impact of past trauma on parenting), we should also recognise the "angels in the nursery"—the positive experiences, strengths, and resilience that parents can pass on to their children.

Treatment and Support Can Make a Difference

If you are struggling with perinatal mental health challenges, you are not alone, and help is available. Seeking support can not only improve your well-being but also create a stronger, healthier environment for your baby.

In my therapy practice, I offer evidence-based approaches to help parents navigate perinatal mental health:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps identify unhelpful thoughts, manage anxiety, and reframe self-critical beliefs about parenting.
• Interpersonal Psychoherapy (IPT): Supports parents in managing relationship changes and adjusting to the emotional shifts of new parenthood.
• Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR): Helps process traumatic birth experiences, past losses, or childhood experiences that may impact parenting.

Final Thoughts: You Are More Than "Good Enough"

Parenting is not about being perfect—it’s about being present. Babies don’t need flawless parents; they need "good enough" parents who try, repair mistakes, and show love even on difficult days.

If you’re struggling, know that you are not failing. You are doing the hard work of parenting—and that in itself is enough. And if you need support, help is available. You don’t have to do this alone.